All of us have had to deal with loss and tragedy. Mine is no more or less than anybody else. As I was going thru some of my things a couple days ago, I found this essay I wrote in 1989 about an event that happened in my life on February 17, 1987.
Presidents Day Weekend is always emotional for me.
I wrote the following words on September 15, 1989.
Two years ago, everything was perfect with my family. My older brother, Scott, was three months away from graduating college at Cal State Northridge. For the first time in his life, he was excited about school. He loved the work and was learning and couldn’t wait to get out into the real world. My Dad was doing great at work and my Mom was there working five days a week right next to him. I was also in a really good place, it was my first year of high school so I was really just trying to figure out who I was, 15 is a tough age no matter how you slice it.
February 12, 1987- There was no school on Thursday and Friday because of the Presidents Day Weekend so I went to Mammoth Mountain for four days to ski with my friends. I remember how happy I was and how lucky a guy I was to be able to be with my close friends. Our daily routine was ski all day, and laugh like crazy at night.
This trip was one of the best trips of my life even though I was sick the last day which was a Monday, February 16th, 1987. I skied half that day in fresh powder until it was time to come home, back to reality, and school on Tuesday. We arrived safely at the bus station in Los Angeles at 1:00am and my Dad was there to greet me with a big smile.
At School on Tuesday, my friends and I only talked about the ski trip. As I was dozing off in my fourth period biology class, I suddenly heard my name being shouted by the teacher, I had a summons to go to the office. I said to myself, “Yes, I’m outta here”. I wish I never got that summons to leave.
As I strolled out of the classroom like Mr. Cool, I looked at the paper and it said I was supposed to go to the nurses office. My only thought was that maybe my Mom’s here early so I can go home and get 100% healthy.
This wasn’t the case though. The nurse told me that my Grandmother was picking me up at school. I asked why but I got no response. I felt empty and confused. She was keeping something from me.
My Grandma arrived and as my eyes focused through the reflections on the windows, I noticed my younger brother in the car. That second, I knew something was wrong. My Grandma offered us some ice-cream on the way home but we turned it down, she didn’t even question why, she didn’t have a lot of emotion, which was very odd. The ride was long and quiet. We arrived home and as we were walking up the driveway, I noticed my Dad in the kitchen on the phone.
Walking up the stairs of my house I felt very nervous. I was reluctant on going up the stairs. Before I could ring the door-bell, the door had opened and I noticed smeared make-up on my Mom with watered eyes to go along with it.
“No,” i said. “I do not want to hear what happened.” I started trembling and went to my room. My Dad came in and brought me to the family room with my younger brother. This walk was a nightmare for me. In my mind, which was racing like a roller coaster and spinning like a top, I was thinking and predicting what was wrong. I thought of my other Grandma and Great Grandmother, my Aunts and Uncles and all my close friends.
These words are so vivid in my mind, it seems like yesterday.
“Now I want you guys to be calm when I tell you this,” my Dad said as my Mom held my hand for support. He was breathing heavily and was on the verge of breaking down. “There has been a terrible accident.” My Mom’s grip became tighter on my hand, and than the words I’ll never forget.
“Our Scott is dead.”
As the words left my Dad’s mouth and entered my ears, it was as if I were a crazed bull being let out of a cage at a rodeo. I flew up out of my seat and kicked the first thing in my way with all my anger, the family room door. I was out of my body, I felt like the Incredible Hulk.
My Dad grabbed me, I was restless and yelling at the top of my lungs. Was this real, was this happening, what is going on right now? My Dad held me tight.
The entire week was crazy. The accident happened on Monday and we found out on Tuesday. People were at my house from 9:00am-9:00pm. I was exhausted, I couldn’t sleep, my heart ached so bad and I felt I would never feel better. I had so much time to think about everything.
Something would always be missing from my life. I could never see or talk to him again. This hurt so bad. My brother Scott lived his life to the fullest. He made everything seem like it was the best and biggest. If we were in the ocean and the waves were two feet, to him they were six feet. Four inches of powder was five feet to him. Scott loved everything he did. We got along great together, he coached my basketball team, we skied, went to the beach, he let me drive his car (I was 15), we watched Monday Night Football, and always shot baskets. He was great at basketball.
Many people feel guilty when a close one dies. I did. I wanted to tell him I loved him, I wanted to thank him for looking out for me. When he first died, I thought these thoughts, I would break down, but now, I truly know he knew I cared for him.
I wish I could be like Superman and go back in time and tell him not to go to Malibu on February 16th, 1987. I wish I could dream about him. So many wishes and dreams he had that cannot be fulfilled. Although it’s been two and a half years without him, there has not been a day that I have not thought about, my brother.
If you made it to the end, thanks for reading. This is something I have never once mentioned on the radio and rarely talk about. I can’t pinpoint why, but I felt compelled to share my story with you this year. This is Scott and I, I believe the year is 1985, Sun Valley, Idaho.
but why are people talking about bieber getting arrested when ed sheeran saved a kitten from being put down
then he posted this on instagram
and he made a twitter for graham the cat
graham posted a photo too
in conclusion ed sheeran is great and graham is one lucky kitten
so im shopping for make up for the girlfriend bc valentines day and holy fuck how do you girls afford this shit
$80 for eye shadow???
is it made out of unicorn shit
what is naked 3
why is it called naked
will it make her look naked
why is it $50
that’s 50 cheese burgers
i can’t deal with make up good bye